Summer & OWL results

[alt_seamus]

The owl with my OWL results had to find me on a fishing trip with Mr Rosier. We went to Folkestone and went out sailing and fishing. I'd never been on boats much before, it was interesting. Anyway the owl did find me, even as far out as we were, and we were both reasonably pleased with my marks. Two O's, three E's, and the only exam I failed was Divination.

I didn't have my journal with me on the trip, but we're back! Padma you can come over anytime, if you'd like.

Comments

Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

I'm really sorry I wasn't able to reply to your journal message, Mr Rosier had me leave my journal back at the house when we went on our holiday. It was a nice holiday, but, well, anyway. I'm back now.

I got an O in History and an O in Astronomy. I sort of wish I could trade my E in Dark Arts and my O in Astronomy, but whatever, it's good enough to go on, at least. I should have worked harder on the essay. I did fine on the practical. Anyway, I'm going to go on in History, I think, although it'll be odd because especially if you and Linus skive off I think I may be the ONLY student in that class. Think Binns will even notice? Maybe I can skip class altogether and just read in the library.

I got Es in Charms, Dark Arts, Defense, and Potions. So I'm definitely going on in those. I got an A in Arithmancy and Mr Rosier thinks I should do the review and retest, if they'll let me, and try to go on in that, especially as I did get an O in Astronomy and although Professor Siz says she'll let you in even if you're not enrolled in Arithmancy (because her favourite student didn't take Arithmancy, you know; better change the rules!) I'm not sure how useful it would be.

Remy promised me he'd stay away from the firewhiskey next time but I'm not sure. I owled him today and we'll probably meet somewhere. It's going to be a dead dull summer if there's no YPL, especially if I have to spend the whole summer revising Arithmancy. Maybe I could persuade Mr Rosier to hire you as my tutor, that wouldn't be too terrible.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

And Ireland. Well.

I haven't heard anything.

There was -- I mean, there was that business that happened right before Professor Siz and Professor Raz's wedding. Director Selwyn being a traitor and -- I don't know.

Mr Rosier is worried. I thought he was over it but he was worried on our holiday, too.

But I can tell you it doesn't have anything to do with Ireland. Or to do with me.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Did he say why he wanted you to leave the journal? Just so you could really relax? Mum says sometimes she wishes people would leave their journals closed more often because now everyone carries them everywhere and it's hard to have a real conversation.

Well, I heard a rumour that there are a couple of people who only have enough to go on if they continue History, so you wouldn't be alone. If you were in lessons, you wouldn't have to work hard, just listen to what he says we're supposed to be reading so we know we're not too far off the mark.

Before you re-test in Arithmancy, you could write to Professor Vector and see if she'll allow you to go on without the E. If you were really close, she might let you. Then you wouldn't have to revise all summer long. But if you do need to test again, I'll come over to revise with you whenever you like.

Private message to Professor Dolohov

[alt_seamus]

Sir,

The events of May have been weighing on me Mr Rosier quite a bit, and I am finding myself thinking about them as well.

I never would have believed that Mr Selwyn could turn out to be a traitor.

You're quite sure he was, though, aren't you? That he deserved what happened to him.

I heard some of the Councilwizards talking at the wedding, about how he died. About how long

How do you

He was a friend of yours, wasn't he? I mean before he was revealed to be a traitor. He pretended -- did you like him?

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Well, that's good. That it's nothing to do with more trouble in Ireland. But that's not what I meant.

I meant--well, you know, you were feeling queer odd about the whole thing. Before. But that's gone away now? I mean, that's good, too, isn't it?

What's he worried about, do you know?

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

Yeah, that's just it, he says people spend all their time reading in their journals now and he wanted me to appreciate the fishing and the company and the lovely summer weather. And it was rather nice out.

Who would I be with, do you know? I can't imagine it would be Crabbe or Goyle, at least.

That's a good thought about writing to Professor Vector. I'll give that a try, at least.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

I think he's worried because if Director Selwyn was a traitor, how can you know who to trust?

Also, they were friends, you know? They worked together. Rather closely. For years. And then Mr Selwyn betrayed Our Lord. They killed him rather horribly, I heard people talking at the wedding about it.

I think that made Mr Rosier upset, maybe, and then he was worried because you shouldn't be upset over the fate of a traitor. But it's hard when you've known someone for years. When it was someone you'd trusted. And liked, even.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Actually, what am I saying? Lines decided to stick with it after all. Also Morag and Su Li and Mandy all said they're going on, mostly because it's an easy enough subject to carry.

So you won't be alone. I don't know if anyone else is continuing, though.

Pav's not coming back, by the way. It was--well, I wish you'd had your journal when we found out she didn't have the marks in enough subjects to continue. Dad still wants her to retest but she said it wouldn't much matter.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

Parvati's not coming back?

You mentioned she was thinking about it but I didn't think she'd really leave.

How bad were her marks?

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

I think it's natural to be upset and to wonder what went wrong. Like Porkinson with her precious Black brother. And Mrs Malfoy, she mourned him, too. It's only to be expected.

As for who to trust, does Mr Rosier know what made Mr Selwyn decide to turn traitor like that? I mean, if it was something that had a reason, then maybe there are things that would fix whatever was wrong, so Mr Selwyn wouldn't have died for no reason. Or something.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

She got eight passing marks, but only one O and only one E, in Charms. Her O was Divination and mostly she thought that was working with Lav the way she's been doing. (Honestly, I passed Divination and that was just from reading her books and practising with her and Lav before the exams, over hols and such. It really wasn't difficult.)

So really she could pick a subject and ask to retest and apply to her professors but she just would rather not bother, I guess. She wants to go into the shop with Mum, full time.

The Aunts are already trying to figure out who she might be able to marry. I'd much rather stay in school for now!

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

Married?!? She's not even of age! Ugh.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Doesn't matter!

If Mum and Dad weren't so progressive, we'd both have been betrothed before we even started at Hogwarts.

Now that she's not coming back she's got no excuse, I guess.

I'm putting that off as long as possible.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

Yeah

Well




Selwyn told them why, when he was -- when Our Lord cruciated him before some of the other councilwizards before He killed him. He said he turned traitor because Our Lord toys with people and kills them for sport. Like Warrington. That's what Selwyn said. At least, that's what I heard people saying he said.

But Mr Rosier wasn't there that time. So I'm not sure.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

And I'm not saying I agree with him, of course; he was a despicable traitor.

I'm just saying, this is what I heard people saying that Mr Selwyn said, about why he turned against Our Lord.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Well, that doesn't make any sense. That he would turn traitor now, instead of years ago.

Besides, it's Our Lord's choice how people are best able to serve Him, isn't it? And if serving Him means fighting in games or punishing muggles or...or sacrificing little boys or someone's mother, well. Who are we to say that He's wrong? Aren't we supposed to trust and believe that it's for some reason?

We're supposed to go through hardship, you know? That's how one becomes a better person. And if the hardship is something that costs a life in this life, then we'll come back with a better life next time.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

Yeah

My mum didn't die for nothing, though, it wasn't for sport. There was a reason.

I hope my mum comes back as something nice.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_seamus]

And you're right. Someone who didn't know, who didn't understand, might think my mother's death was for no reason. Just out of -- blood lust, out of revenge, something like that.

But there was a purpose to it, a larger purpose.

We're not always going to know. That's what loyalty is all about, I guess, that sort of trust that Our Lord's actions have a purpose even if we don't always know what.

Re: Private message to Padma

[alt_padma]

Yes, and you're right that she did die to serve a higher goal. For something important.

And yes, that's it, exactly. You can't just be loyal when it's easy. You have to know which loyalties are more important, you know, so that when you have to choose, you can choose the biggest, most important thing to be loyal to.

Anyway. It's late. If I'm coming over tomorrow we should both get some sleep.

Re: Private message to Professor Dolohov

[alt_antonin]

Mr Finnigan,

You do not ask easy questions. And I will confess that I, too, have spent the last few weeks reviewing much the same questions, and sifting through the memories of conversation after conversation to see what I might have missed, and whether there was a moment something I could have said or done could have turned the tide and brought us to the shores of a different outcome.

Yes, Dominic was my friend and brother, and a good and solid man. And there is no doubt he tried to strike down Our Lord, for what seemed to him a very good reason whatever reason he thought necessary, and did not succeed. If I am having trouble reconciling those two facts, I am not surprised you are finding it difficult as well.

We have spoken, you and I, about necessity, and I am trying to remind myself of those incontrovertable and ineffable influences, and that no man can know another's necessities as his own. There are times when one's own actions and one's own experiences can lead one to beliefs that are wrong, or misguided -- or, yes, traitorous -- but are no less sincerely held for that misguidedness. And there are times when one arrives at such a conclusion, built of hundreds of tiny moments or one watershed realisation, and cannot take any action other than the action one's own honour dictates. Even when one knows the ends that action will bring one to.

Dominic knew, when he lifted wand against Our Lord, that if he failed -- when he failed -- he would find himself set against Our Lord's loyal, with his life and more forefeit for his actions, and yet he felt he could not do anything other than what he did. I do not know what led him to that conclusion, so obviously flawed. I do not know if we could have led him back to right thinking. I cannot help but be troubled that we did not have the chance to try.

It is natural, I suppose, to be troubled. When someone so above reproach suddenly behaves in such a way as to make you question your entire understanding of him, there are no easy answers. All each of us can do is act in such a way as to serve our own necessities, and to honour our own convictions, and to behave in the ways we know to be correct. As Dominic did

We'll be returning to this question in your classes over the next two years -- not this particular instance, but the larger question of how to choose the correct action in a given situation -- and while I will not have concrete answers for you, I hope I will be able to provide you with the tools to find answers for yourself. In the meantime, as you contemplate recent events, it may be valuable for you to consider, not what led Dominic to the choices he made -- for none of us can ever fully understand what leads another to such a drastic reversal of conviction -- but rather, what your own convictions and necessities are, and what you would and would not do to uphold them when they are tested. Such a framework to meditate upon may not set your mind at ease, but it may lead you to a fuller understanding of how one might find oneself called upon to do things one finds terrible but necessary, and understanding is the first step towards being at peace with the decisions one is sometimes called upon to make.

Yours,
Antonin

Re: Private message to Professor Dolohov

[alt_seamus]

What I would or wouldn't do -- what I could, or couldn't do -- is really what keeps me awake at night, sir.

Mr Selwyn was your friend and you were there, weren't you?

How do you

I mean with my mother it was very fast. She didn't suffer. But I heard people talking at the wedding and they said with Mr Selwyn it went on for a very long time before he died and you all had to

How? Do you understand what I'm asking? What if I'm called on to witness if someone I know, someone I like, even -- I mean I don't think anyone I know is a traitor but I didn't think Mr Selwyn was a traitor!

What if someday it's Mr Rosier

Re: Private message to Professor Dolohov

[alt_antonin]

Mr Finnigan,

Yes, I was there. And yes, I was called upon to question Dominic, before Our Lord pronounced His justice. It was not the first time I have been called upon to do such things, and I do not doubt it will not be the last.

It is not easy.

But just as none of us can know another's necessities, neither can we be false to our own. I have sworn to obey Our Lord's will and to make manifest His desires, and it is the most solemn oath I have ever taken. Obeying that oath is often difficult. As it should be: we do not value that which comes easily, nor do we properly appreciate that for which we do not sacrifice.

When If you are called upon to witness the consequences of someone else's decisions, all you can do is to be true to yourself -- to your loyalties, to your beliefs, to your convictions. All we can do in a situation like that is to obey our own necessities, while at the same time paying honour to the necessities of those to whom we are connected. I do not agree with the choice Dominic made, to turn traitor to Our Lord's oath, but I honour the years in which he was my friend and brother, and I will do everything I can to remember that friendship and brotherhood while simultaneously condemning the actions he took.

All we can do is be true to our own selves -- to our oaths, to our convictions -- and to bear witness to the actions of those around us. It is, all too often, a poor set of choices indeed. But it is not for us to judge, only to act in accordance with our own selves and our own honour, as best as we are imperfectly capable.

Yours,
Antonin